Bump Sandra Bullock- I'm gettin' the Oscar!

Well. I guess I should be really happy that I have an interview set up for tomorrow but...Okay.

I want to express my gratitude to the potential employer who called me for my Monday morning scheduled interview. The effort I have made to prepare for this possible opportunity that has been bestowed upon me is truly appreciated. I was given the chance to spend at least two or so hours to research many things about the company that probably won't come up in any kind of "normal" conversation. The forced facts that will be vomited up during inconvenient silences to prove I have done my homework will be flushed from my mind once the interview is complete. Did any of you know these unimportant tidbits about your company? Huh? You don't give a shit I guess. I digress.

No ,I wasn't aware my responsibilities would also include things like writing the business plan for a company that has been in business for 22 years, going on Costco runs and repaving the parking lot. Was that information listed in the posting?

Oh, there are no health benefits, or paid days off until after two years of service? Well, that seems to be a trend so I understand.

I see, the two numbers you mentioned when I asked "the rate" of the position was an annual rate, not an hourly rate. Thanks for clarifying.

I will be reporting to your son who has recently dropped out of film and television program at the local university to become the new CFO? Oh of course that makes sense! Sure I can work closely with him to make sure HR and Finance is in order. FOR THE SAME HOURLY RATE OF PAY.

Yes, I do have a few questions. When are you looking to make a....oh, okay. There are other candidates and there is a three interview process required? No. I have no more questions, I will wait until hopefully we meet again. Thank you for your time.

So yeah, I don't have any emotion left when it comes to doing an interview. I am sick of being disappointed. If my attitude comes off as negative, you are wrong. It is just that I am indifferent which can sometimes come across as being pessimistic. I was positive for the first 11 of my 16 unemployed months and the last drop eeked out about October-ish. I have learned to be quiet and just wait to see what happens.

Stay tuned folks.

RecruitHER

I drove out of town last week because I received a call for an interview. FINALLY! I have been planting the seeds for months and months now. Nothing has crapped cropped up from my harvest so I figured I should get on the road and go see what the land had to offer.

I went straight to the interview after stopping at a friend's house to freshen up and change. I arrived at the office and found out Mr. RecruitHER was out sick so they scheduled me with someone who apparently viewed me as more of a burden and distraction than a recruit from which she could make money.

To summarize, this EXTREMELY rude person did the following:

1. She rudely asked me, “Ummm..and why did he call you?” Picture my face looking just like a screw as she continued to ask, “I don’t see anything here that would make me ‘jump’ at calling you for one of our clients’ positions.” “Well obviously he did you miserable twit!” I thought.
2. Insisted I change my resume and embellish my skills. “You need to mix this up a bit. What is it that you are trying to do here? Are you HR or are you Finance?” She condescendingly grimaced while mimicking the same screw face I had earlier. Why should I have to do that when again, obviously he found something in my skill set that he thought would be suitable for one their clients?
3. Started telling me what I think were made up stories. One was about a woman who was a single mother who wanted to get out of the house and away from her whining child so she gleefully jumped off unemployment and ran into the arms of a $10 an hour paying gig. Could it be that she needed work and more importantly money instead of it being about her wanting to escape from what she described of the mundane life of motherhood? This chick really was miserable!
4. Told me I had been out of the game for too long and should “take a class or something” to brush up on my skills. Now mind you, I have been out of work for almost 12 months. Really??? Take a class? Sorry but I have been too busy looking for jobs, re-writing my resume, networking at mind-numbing events completing oh about 50 profiles per day and following up on leads! She then proceeds to throw in a story about how she took 3 months off to have a child and even she felt like her skills were out of whack in that short amount of time. No. Could it be that when you came back from work everyone was so miserable and full of dread that they all acted as though things had actually changed? Because it did! You came back! Yes, you are that person people hate to see coming.

I politely picked up my things and thanked her for the interview and said I would be in touch. My original contact would be the one to whom I would share this experience. He would surely see her unreasonable behavior caused my uncertainty when deciding whether or not to work with their firm. I called him and his attitude was quite callous. He did the typical corporate ‘I am going to stick up for my co-workers to show solidarity and be professional’ thing. I was most definitely turned off by his lack of concern and felt it was best for me to shut down any emotions that were starting to fester and grow. I shifted my focus on money and sent my resume directly to Mr. RecruitHER. I remained in the city for another week and after two follow-up calls and one email, never heard back from them. The Miserable bitter monster or Mr. RecruitHER.

You see, there is this trend within the unemployed vs. employer/recruiter community. There is a certain type of smug mentality and attitude that comes out like vapors when we are sitting on opposite sides of the desk/table/cup of coffee. They seem to feel as though they have the upper hand and want to make sure you are very clear in understanding your role. There are inappropriate things said in interviews and responses that are completely uncalled for. During the initial communication period, there is a tone that is conveyed, reminding us that we are unemployed and “they” can decide our fate based on how we react to their tone.

I have a friend, who is also looking for work, tell me a story about how she received similar treatment. She sent her resume electronically to a company and although she had all of the required qualifications and education, they sent her a reply that said, “Did you even read the qualifications for this job?” I was in disbelief as to how unprofessional the representatives of these companies are in their correspondence. I really hope these people who treat us so badly are on the opposite end of the table one day. The Golden Rule is one that people seem to forget.

I am headed back home to continue my pursuit of jobs elsewhere and I won’t be coming back here unless someone wants to pay for my travel or reimburse me. I have spent entirely too much money by simply trying to "stay in the game" i.e. gas the car up, eat off the dollar menu and purchase discounted coffee so I can simply use free WIFI.

You would think this experience would scar me but I am so used to being disappointed by people that I have decided to sit on the fence from now on. At least for the time being. If I don’t let things affect me in a positive or a negative way, I won’t be affected. Until things settle back to normal for me, I have to live this way. With all of the chaos and confusion going on, this decision will help me maintain some sense of stability, at least in my mind. I am hopeful things will change soon so I just keep going….and going….and going.

Homeless in the City or Simply not wanting to be alone?

Cabin Fever is an illness that plagues me on a regular basis. I cannot stand to be cooped up inside for too long so I have a tendency to seek places that will allow me to be in an environment that supports a certain "busyness" if you will.

Case and point, when I am out at a local cafe researching things online, I like to hit up Borders Cafe i.e. Seattle's Best (GREAT COFFEE!) or Panera Bread. These places have frequent visitors who either breeze in and out or sit down and peruse through their favorite magazine or book. I am able to get my "dose" of people watching while being around people but not "really" being around people. Sometimes I want to be alone but not by myself, if that makes sense. I can sit in the house all day and do the same thing but it gets really old, really fast.

I have been noticing an increasing trend of a certain type of person hanging out in these places. They don't necessarily fit a typical profile but the common denominator is that they come in with bags and baggage or they fall asleep or sometimes they do both. There has been a bit of a cold snap that slapped Florida really hard and many are seeking refuge from the cold which could be why there is an increase in population here at these cafes....or could it be that people feel like I do when I simply do not want to be alone?

Allow me to give you a visual of what I am currently seeing:

Man #1 - White male. 60-something years old. 5'11" and 200+ pounds. Seated in a leather chair with his back to a window. Balding with salt and pepper hair in a horse-shoe shape around his head. Brown Ecco shoes that look as though they have been just-the-right-amount of worn-in. Navy blue fleece jacket, no stains or rips. No books. No magazines. Just simply looking around.

Man #2 - Black male. 50-57 years of age. 5'9" 180+ pounds with a round stomach. Seated on the middle-right side of the room. Black baseball cap-clean. Yellow and black small striped polo-style shirt. Grew sweatshirt. Green blazer. Black slacks with a silver (hmmm) belt. Black high-top Nike's sneakers with the heel worn on the right shoe only. He has a cell phone and keeps checking it. He is marking jobs in a local employment guide in between gazing out of the window with a "how did I get here" look on his face.

Man #3 - Black male. 40-50 years old-hard to tell because his skin looks good but his face looks a little hard. 6 ' 4" inches tall and about 210 pounds-very solid but lean. Seated near the wall in between two windows. Tan jacket with the hood covering his bald head. Carpenter construction boots - worn but just from dirt. Khaki's that appear to be clean, A laptop that is streaming live sports news. Has his own lunch that he brought and is eating and a cup of water he asked the barrista for an hour ago. He seems to have been here for longer than I and my stay is clocking in at 3 hours right about now. He is also reading what appears to be War and Peace while he is listening to sports through his earphones.

Man #4 - White male. 25-27 years old. 5'6" 150 pounds. Seated near a window. True Religion Jeans...okay let me say that I needed to mention that first because I am a self-proclaimed fashion whore and I know for a fact that those jeans cost between $150 - $332 a pair. So ummm..yeah, either he knows where to get knock-offs or he he invested a month to 3 month's worth of my groceries in a pair of denim. Back to Mr. TR, I will call him. Spiky hair. White hoodie- can't tell the name brand from here but I know it belongs to somebody's label peddling company. A red pair of high-top leather Adidas sneakers that look purposely worn, probably courtesy of an eBay seller who invested a lot of time in making them appear that way for a price that reflects his time and efforts! A large- screened laptop and a few gossip mags. I doubt he does not have internet access at home, nor is he working so I have to wonder, what is he doing here?

Woman #1-Brown-skinned female. Not sure if she is of Indian/Asian or West Indian descent. 30-something years old. About 5 feet even and a good 155 pounds. Seated in the middle of the room. Black/dark-brown hair in a bobbed hairstyle. Black closed in shoes that are in near perfect condition with about a 2 inch heel. Black turtle-neck sweater and gray cardigan. She is eating a pastry from the cafe and drinking a cup of water. She keeps looking at me strangely probably wondering why I am looking around and writing but I avoid eye contact as I describe her behavior and belongings. Her black handbag is not real leather but a very impressive substitute. She has one item that looks like a handbook of some sort. I wish I could get a closer look but I don't want to run the risk of being asked point blank, "What the eff are you looking at and why are you coming over here?" I can feel it getting closer to that point. She has not turned the page of the book for at least 14 minutes so perhaps she just wanted something in front of her as she ate the whipped cream-topped danish. I am happy to be moving on to the next person.

Woman #2 - White female. 60-70 years old. Seated in a leather chair with her back to the largest window in the cafe. Her sweater looks like one you would wear at Christmas but it looks like it has hearts on it and she is wearing a white button-down shirt underneath and is sipping a blended coffee beverage reading an arts and crafts magazine with a bag full or yarn on the floor next to her. Hmm...I wonder what she will be doing next....

There are several people who have come and gone since my first description but to sum it up, they were all neatly dressed with paperwork or laptops or fancy phones they were intently working on.

You can't really judge a person's situation based on what you see. Some who look homeless have cell phones and laptops. Looking at me, I appear to be very well put together with clean and hardly-worn clothing. I have a laptop and a shiny mug on my table. My laptop bag is high-end and my handbag was in the mid-range cost of Mr. TR's jeans. All of these things were purchased over the years and while I had gainful employment. I have been looking for work for over a year and have yet to find anything. I am reaching the end of my unemployment and the hopeful twinkle I had in my eye and the resilience I had in my spirit have since dimmed. Times are hard and people are even harder when it comes to having hope. I have noticed that most I have seen are compassionate when it comes to sharing resources and outlets when your laptop battery is about to die.

I hope that with all of what we are going through it can teach us all to have a little more patience, understanding (cue the violins and Miss America music) and true concern for one another. Although I am low on funds, I make sure I offer to buy the guy who has been sipping on a cup of water for the last 2 hours a cup of hot coffee. Not because I want to be a martyr but because I genuinely feel for others who could possibly be going through what I am. It may also be the only warm thing or anything other than water, he may have today.

I will never forget this experience that I am going through and I will forever be changed.

If I am quiet, is it still complaining?

I have heard on more than one occasion that "God hates a complainer" so I went to try and find it in the bible. I found several passages to try and dissuade my recent and frequent complaining about my current situation.

1 Corinthians 10:10 (New International Version)

¹⁰And do not grumble, as some of them did—and were killed by the destroying angel.

Psalm 106:24-26 (New International Version)

²⁴ Then they despised the pleasant land;
they did not believe his promise.

²⁵ They grumbled in their tents
and did not obey the LORD.

²⁶ So he swore to them with uplifted hand
that he would make them fall in the desert,

After reading these passages, it almost scares me into breaking my habit of complaining. Although I am going to make an honest effort to completely stop voicing my frustrations and anger, how do I verbalize or shall I say, express my feelings about what I am going through?

If I am silent, but cry or scream (no precise words) about how much pain I am in or the fact that my heart feels as raw as a wound created from falling off a bike and exposing raw flesh? Is that still complaining? If I journal as fast as my hands can possibly write and as quickly as my feelings come to me is that also being ungrateful?

It is not natural to me to shut down all of my feelings, concerns and fears. Where does it go? Is that where health issues manifest and grow? Do I have to make the decision to worry about God being angry with me or being sick from holding all of this inside as it pulses through my veins and blood? Someone I know said, "God is big and strong enough for you to handle whatever you give Him." I believe that. If He is called My Father, then I should be able to talk to him and tell him my concerns, right? I have to go with that belief.

I am going to take the scriptures mentioned here into consideration and as a guideline. I will still speak to God and tell Him what I am going through. I will continue to questions why He does what He does and ask for explanations. I am confused now and I need answers. Regardless of what mortals say and what man's interpretation of the bible is, I am going to be true to myself while seeking enlightenment.

I know there are many people going through things right now and need guidance, answers and proof that God is listening and hears you and is working in your favor. Please know you are not alone. I am going to be riding with you or driving the car.

Put on your seatbelt and let's go.